Alice Brown's Lessons in the Curious Art of Dating by Eleanor Prescott

Author:Eleanor Prescott [Prescott, Eleanor]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fiction, General, Romance, Contemporary
ISBN: 9780857387141
Google: Wk9-MDiimHYC
Amazon: B0074VPIPA
Publisher: Quercus
Published: 2012-04-11T23:00:00+00:00

LOU

Ever since Tony had stood her up, Lou had been feeling vicious. And when she felt vicious she liked a drink.

‘So,’ Kate interjected as Lou finished describing her boss with a list of the most venomous adjectives known to the English language. ‘That was his last chance, right?’

Lou and Kate were halfway through their first bottle of laughably expensive wine in a swanky new bar on the fashionable side of the city. It had only opened a week ago, and they’d been lucky to get the last table, even if it was squeezed next to the loos.

‘You can’t shag him again,’ Kate continued. ‘He’s made it clear where his priorities lie.’

Lou frowned. Kate had a really irritating way of hitting the nail on the head.

‘As if I’d give that spineless, small-dicked arse-wipe the time of day,’ she replied blithely.

‘So it’s over, then?’

‘It never even started,’ Lou said dismissively.

‘But that’s it? No more sex with Tony?’

Lou took a large sip of wine. No more sex with Tony. It sounded strange.

‘Lou! Come on!’ Kate cried. ‘He chose Suzy!’

‘As if I’d want him to leave his wife anyway!’ Lou snapped. ‘I’m only shagging him. Christ!’

There was a pause.

‘So, like I said . . . No more sex with Tony.’

‘Sometimes I want it and Tony’s just there!’

‘Well, you’ll just have to exercise a bit of self-control.’

‘I don’t believe in exercise.’

‘I didn’t mean that kind of exercise!’

‘Look, the small-dicked arse-wipe’s history,’ Lou said dismissively. ‘That’s why I wanted to come here tonight. Check out the fish in a new pond. See if there are any good rods to nibble.’

The women sipped their drinks and looked around the bar.

All in all, it wasn’t bad pickings, Lou thought. They were all well-heeled, suited types; not the bits of rough she preferred, but good enough for a Thursday night.

‘Fuck!’ Kate cried suddenly.

‘That’s the plan,’ Lou deadpanned.

Kate thrust her head down and hunched her shoulders.

‘Oh no! Fuck, fuck, fuck!’

Lou looked at her friend in alarm. Kate didn’t swear much, and if she did she usually just splashed about in the shallow end with the bloody hells and an occasional bugger. It took quite a lot for her to wade into the deeper waters of the F-word.

‘It’s him!’

‘Who?’ Lou peered around the bar enthusiastically.

‘Don’t look! The idiot! The horrible man I had the date with. The one who said I was fat and made a big deal about my surname.’

‘What, Sebastian?’

‘Shhhhh! Oh God, no, this can’t be happening.’

‘Where is he? Which one?’

‘Over there . . .’ Kate gestured with her eyebrows, keeping her head angled away from the rest of the room.

‘What, the cute one?’

‘Lou!’

‘What? I’m just saying! He’s hot!’

‘We’ve got to go,’ Kate begged. She sounded close to tears.

‘OK, just let me finish my drink.’

‘I mean, now! I can’t let him see me. He’d only make some horrible comment about my size.’

Lou looked at Kate sharply. ‘You, Kate Biggs, are gorgeous and he is a class-A twat. And he’s smarmy. And fake-looking, and not that hot at all. Actually, he looks like he’s got bad breath and a pencil dick.

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